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Sick & Twisted Home > Sick & Twisted Read Jokes (add your jokes) Mommy mommy 01 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts. Shut up and eat what's put in front of you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up and pass me the crowbar. Mommy mommy 02 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Shut up and get back in the oven. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the right way to cook Peking Duck? Shut up and close the microvawe oven door behind you! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner? Shut up and get back in the oven! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! But I don't wanna eat pizza! Shut up and get in the oven! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What do you want with that ax.... Mommy mommy 03 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere? Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise. Shut up and eat around it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? Shut up and eat your cornflakes! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa? Shut up and get back in the box! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey! Shut up and comb your face! Mommy mommy 04 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf? Shut up and comb your face! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear. Billy, let go of Susie's ear. Billy! Let go of her ear! All right Billy, give me the ear. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts. Well, just leave them on the side of the plate. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale? Shut up and keep digging. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa. Well, just push him aside and eat your beans. Mommy mommy 05 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! Well throw some more gasoline on him then. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia. Shut up son and keep swimming. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff? Shut up son, you'll wake your father. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles. Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running? Shut up and reload. Mommy mommy 06 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard? Shut up and shoot again! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't wanna visit grandma! Shut up and keep digging. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl? Shut up and flush. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim! Shut up or I'll flush it again! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here. Shut up or I'll flush it again. Mommy mommy 07 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper! Shut up or I'll grind your other hand. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice! Shut up and drink it before it clots. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire? Shut up and eat your soup before it clots. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup! Shut up, we only have it once a month. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I hate spaghetti! Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm. Mommy mommy 08 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye! Shut up and eat around it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garbage compactor? Shut up and chew! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's too tough! Shut up and keep chewing! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids? Shut up and deal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! Shut up and get away from the dart board! Mommy mommy 09 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big. Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox? Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we give Dad a decent burial? Shut up and keep flushing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! Shut up and get the marshmallows! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire! Shut up and get the barbecue sauce! Mommy mommy 10 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street! Shut up and step on the gas! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara Falls! Shut up and get back in the barrel! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles? Shut up and get back in the barrel! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder! Shut up and eat your hamburger! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course? Shut up and search the sand traps! Mommy mommy 11 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers! Shut up and eat your french fries! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again? Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimy? Shut up, you little snot. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sister! Shut up, and keep eating! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I'd like to play marbles now! Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glass eye today! Mommy mommy 12 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a big head? Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose? You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim? Shut up and get back in the sack! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! How come sister gets to watch TV and I can't? Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Don't push me towards the elevator shAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! Mommy mommy 13 Rate This Joke Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much. All right, you can take another slice. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap. Shut up and keep eating. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing. Shut up and stop squirming. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller. Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door. [Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Come upstairs, son, like a good boy." "No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."

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