1. The bad news is you have the desease, the good news is we can name it after you.
2. (saying to another doctor) Okay your on. First one done the surgery takes all.
3. If he's not the one with the tumor then who is?
4. Count backwards from 10 to 1. 10... 9.... 8.... 6.... 5.....
5. Right lung left lung what's the difference.
6. Yes, I have done this before....
...... on a dog.
7. You have a tumor in your... um ... I forget what you call it. Oh yeah1 your brain.
8. Okay students we are now going into the colon.
9. I think so.
10. A 2 year college is just the same as a 4 year one.
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
4. You are always meeting new people.
3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
1. Mysteries are always interesting.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."
Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?
A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.
Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don't do that.
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.
Liz: I'm the examiner!
A lady goes to the Doctor because she is not feeling to well.
"Why am i not feeling well" the lady asks,
"Because you are fat" the Doctor replies"
"I want a second opinion" answers the Lady"
"Your really ugly too" the doctor tells her
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
One day a doctor calls an elderly man and tells him he has some good news and some bad news about his condition.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The old man says,"That's the good news?! Then what's the bad news?"
The doctor calmly replies,"I was supposed to tell you yesterday."
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
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