There are 13 blondes and a brunette hanging on a rope off Mount Everest. The rope is about to snap until a blonde says,"One of us has to let go for the rest of us to survive! Or else we'll all die!" So the 13 blondes start arguing and start saying "you jump off!" "No you jump off!" So finally the brunette says,"Fine... I'll let go for the rest of you to live and make it up this mountain." A second later, as all the blondes are so happy, they begin to clap.
1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade
One day there was a brunette on the side of the road jumping up and down saying "88! 88!"
So later that day, a blonde pulls over by the brunette and decides that it looks like fun, so they both start jumping and saying 88!
After a while, the brunette explains to the blonde that it's even more fun to jump in the middle of the road and yell out 88 so she does and gets hit by a car. The brunette then starts to say "89! 89!"
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Because they can't find the 11!
Why can't a blond dial 911?? She can't find the 11.
Why did the blonde go up on the roof?
She was told that drinks were on the house!
A blonde, a brunette and a red head are sipping tea and discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette says, "My baby's going to be a boy." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The brunette says, "Because when we did it, my husband was on top."
The red head then says, "My baby's going to be a girl." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The red head says, "Because when we did it, I was on top."
The blonde starts crying hysterically. When her friends finally calm her down, they ask her why she was crying. The blonde says, "My baby's going to be a puppy."
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
One day a blonde is driving home when she rear-ends a man in his truck. The man stops and yells at her to get out of her car, so she steps out and tries to apologize. He then draws a circle in the sand and tells her to stand inside and not to step out. He goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, walks over to her car, and smashes in the window.
She begins to giggle, so he looks back at her angrily and tells her to be quiet. Then he starts beating in the hood of her car.
She giggles again, and he turns to her and says, "You're askin' for it, lady!" Then he smashes in her windshield.
By this time the woman is laughing hysterically, so he looks at her and yells, "What's so funny!?"
She laughs again and replies, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times."
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
A brunette goes to see the doctor. "What's the trouble?" he asks her. She tells him, "Everywhere I touch it hurts." "Show me," the doctor says. She touches her elbow and says "Ouch", she touches her knee and says "Ouch", she touches her head and says "Ouch! See Doctor! Everywhere I touch, it hurts!" The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, surprised, "Why no! I'm really a blonde. Why?" He tells her, "Because your finger is broken".
What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract a man?
Her ankles.
What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract a man?
Her ankles.
A blind man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says, "Want to hear a really funny blond joke?" The waiter replies, "Look here, I know your blind but I have to tell you. I am blond. There are also four big men in the back of the bar. Now do you still want to tell this joke?" the blind man replies, "No! now i have to explain it five times!"
Why was the blondes belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blonde.
How come blondes can't dial 911? Cause they don't know the number!
What is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of york? The grand old duke of york only had 10000 men.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.
He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cellphone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers, friends, clients, and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the salesman, "Can I buy that TV?"
The owner answers, "I don't sell TV's to blondes!" So the blonde dyes her hair and asks the some question, but she gets the same answer. So she shaves her head and goes back and asks again, but yet again she gets the same answer.
"How did you know I was a blonde?" she asks."
"Because," he replies, "that's a microwave oven."
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