THE dance we were going to was formal. Elegantly dressed, I headed downstairs, picking up in passing a wastebasket that needed to be emptied and a mop that had to be put away. The door bell rang. I answered it, still clutching mop and wastebasket. The young man gave me a startled look. "My wife and I were interested in buying a home in this neighbourhood," he began, "but if this is the way everyone dresses to clean house, I'm not sure we want to live here."
Two flys are having a converstion about the meeting that just took place
in the local real estate office.
"Boy those agents are really determined to get a sale - they pumped that guy for
nearly an hour!'
Tha..tha ..tha that's nothing, ye..yesterday I was locked in he..he.he..here for so
long, I have be..be..be bee been diagnosed with "Acute Fly Stress!"
Harold and Irene went out for dinner to celebrate their 50th anniversary. After a couple of glasses of wine, Harold asks "Irene, have you ever cheated during our marriage?"
"No, of course not."
"If you had, it's okay" Harold said, "I just wanted to know."
"Well..."
"Well, what?"
"Well" said Irene "remember way back 30 years ago when you thought you would get laid off from that development company you were working for?"
"Yes, I remember and I was sure glad they kept me on."
"Well....I paid a little visit to your boss and, if you remember, everyone got laid off but you."
"You didn't..."
"Yes, I did, but it was for you!"
"Well....okay, but were there any others?"
"Well.....do you remember 10 years ago when you needed heart bypass surgery and the only qualified surgeon in the area, Dr. Jacobson, was completely booked and wouldn't take you?"
"Yes, but...."
"So.. .I talked him into taking you."
"You mean you..."
"It saved your life!"
"Okay, I guess I can see that, but... .were there any others?"
"No, no, no."
"Are you sure?"
"Well "
" What, what, what?!?!"
"Well......do you remember when you were running for president of the local chapter of the Real Estate Board.....and you were only 32 votes short....."
Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds fee" when they already know you don't have any money?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Always remember that you are unique just like everyone else.
All afternoon a real estate agent had been showing a young couple empty houses. The ones they loathed always seemed to be available, but others had already snapped up the ones that struck their fancy. Finally they came to a house at the very edge of town and fell in love with it.
"Please," they begged, "tell us that this one we can have."
"It's yours," beamed the agent. "It's last .... but not leased!
While showing a home to a young mother and her 4 year old daughter, the child kept insisting that we leave. We performed the obvious routine of exploring the bedrooms, the basement and opening closet doors. Finally the little girl looked at her mother and said, "Mommie, we better get out of here before they come home and find us!"
SOME residents in our city thought they'd help drain rain-flooded streets by removing manhole covers. That made matters worse because the underground system was flooded too. A few covers became lost in knee-deep water, and police were called in to create order. "We've picked up the covers," one officer radioed headquarters. "Now how do we find the holes?" Back came the word: "Easy. Walk until you fall in."
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